Why Are You So Shy?

There’s nothing wrong with shyness!

All children are different, and some children are more shy than others and it might be just be their temperament. Children who seem shy often ‘warm up’ as they get to know the person or situation. Therefore, it’s better to describe these children as ‘slow to warm up’ rather than ‘shy’. Labelling a child as ‘shy’ can make her feel there’s something wrong with her, or there’s nothing she can do about her shyness.

Supporting your child with shyness

Some children may never overcome their shyness, but parents can help them to be more confident and comfortable interacting with other people. Here are some tips for babies and young children:

Tips for babies and young children

• Give your baby time to feel comfortable. Don’t make him go straight into the arms of an unfamiliar person. Instead, encourage the person to play with a toy near your child and use a calm voice.

• Let your child know that his feelings are OK and that you’ll help him manage them. For example, ‘I can see you feel a bit scared because you don’t know who’s at the party. Let’s have a look together before we go in’.

• Avoid over-comforting your child. Over-comforting may come across that you think this is a scary situation. And the extra attention might accidentally encourage your child’s shy behaviour.

• Explore pretend play and create different situations

• If other people say your child is ‘shy’, gently correct them in front of your child. For example, ‘Sarah takes a little while to warm up. Once she’s comfortable she’ll be happy to play’. This shows that you understand how your child feels, and she can deal with the situation when she’s ready.